Between living at home with a family of five and sharing an apartment with three other girls, solitude is like Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar wins: much deserved but non-existent. So when I do manage to snag some alone time (and Leo, I promise your Oscar will come!) I try to cram in the things that I can only do when nobody else is around.
All I Want Is Simon Cowell’s Approval
One of my roomies watches Glee like it’s a sing-a-long. She has absolutely no issues with belting Adele while other people are around. I, however, grew up with two musically talented siblings and have always felt like Jimmy, the least talented Osmond. As a result, I have always been self-conscious about my voice. So I either sing as quiet as a vonTrapp in hiding or I wait until my roommates are gone to free my inner songbird. I usually start off with a song to appease my tortured inner-teen like Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy and make my way to some upbeat, girl empowerment Kelly Clarkson song. Also, nothing is more therapeutic than pointing at your panda pillow pet and shrilling, Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you’re happy now? So thank you, Michelle Branch, for giving women a great selection of break-up songs to choose from.
Under where? Underwear!
Just because I live in an all-girl apartment doesn’t give me the liberty to pan fry dumplings in my crop top and panties. My roommates and I are not as liberated as Sandra Dee and the Pink Ladies. We were raised by Asian mothers who still make us cover our eyes when unmarried couples kiss in movies. Yet despite my modesty, I am not a pant fan. I’m one of those people who starts unbuttoning her jeans as soon as she enters her home and has them peeled off before she even finds a pair of leggings to change into. Therefore, when the roomies are gone, so are my pants. Plus, it doesn’t help that on-campus housing means never having to worry about the heating bill, so my apartment is pretty much summertime all the time. And before you hippies start hollering at me for blasting the heat, let me just point out that my we-should-be-more-like-the-Amish parents never turn up the heat at home so that should somehow balance out my carbon footprint.
Someone Get Those Kardashian Girls An Emmy
When there are other people around, I switch to shows that are socially acceptable for a twenty-something to enjoy. HIMYM, Modern Family, or anything on the Food Network is always a safe bet. It is when I am alone that my true viewing pleasures surface. I only have two criteria when it comes to shows that I love to watch. 1) Would your 13 year old sister watch it? and 2) Would a stay-at-home mom watch it? If the answer is yes to either of those questions then I probably already watch it religiously. I am all about feel good television shows that require the minimum amount of brain power. Switched at Birth, Teen Wolf, iCarly, Real Housewives, Millionaire Matchmaker, and Say Yes To The Dress? All Emmy worthy in my eyes.
You’re Now Chatting With A Random Stranger
Okay, this one is probably more embarrassing and not in an endearing Zooey Deschanel kind of way. This is why I’m talking about this last, in hopes that you have stopped reading at this point. I have browsed through sites like Chat Roulette and Omegle more times than I’d like to admit. After you filter through the naked old men and sex bots, you can end up chatting with some kindred spirit in Germany who shares your love of snow globes and Star Wars. I tend to reserve these sites when I don’t have to explain to someone that I am not out to catch a predator on Chat Roulette.
And there you have it! You now know how I live my life when nobody is watching. Now excuse me as I put on some pants because I hear my roommates coming back.